I hereby declare my candidacy for First Dog . . .

Now that Barack Obama has been elected, I hear that the search is on for a first dog. While Malia and Sasha may want a puppy, I would like to declare my candidacy to be First Dog. Why? First, I am willing to make this sacrifice for my country. Sure, I have a good life now, but I'd like to serve my fellow Americans. Also, I hear the gig comes with dogwalkers, a big lawn, Secret Service agents to run with, and chefs. I would like to restore the reputation after Barney's recent incident. Perhaps, you are interested in my qualifications. First and foremost, I'm from D.C. I can show the Obamas around town and I'll be ready to lead on day 1. Second, I am already housetrained. A new puppy runs the risk of peeing in the Lincoln bedroom or pooping in the oval office. How undignified. I'm ready to go. Also, I understand people and dogs of the real America. You'll recall that I come from a humble upbringing and ran the streets for a few months. Oh, I'm sure you're thinking that I don't have any foreign policy experience. True, but I do understand Spanish as it is spoken at my doggie daycare. This could be important in my interactions with foreign Dogs of State. Also, I want to restore the dignity to the office of the First Dog. This week's Barney incident highlights the danger of a dog getting too comfy in the White House. I'm a lover, not a biter (though I make no promises about Fox News correspondants. I'd go Cujo on Bill O if given the chance.)

What do you say America, are you ready for change in the Doggie White House? Are you ready for a dog that knows America? Are you ready for a dog that can hit the ground running?